I just read an article about how last year the WWE (wrestling) had contracted out to rent the Denver Arena next monday night. Denver was happy to rent this out due to the fact that Basketball season would be over since Denver has not hosted a late season playoff final since 1985 there would be no problem and the arena would be available. Guess what Denver is scheduled to host game 4 of the west coast finals next monday and their arena is rented out. So now the are trying to figgure out what to do. Way to have confidence in your home team dumbasses. Vince McMahn has chanllenged the owner of the Nuggets to a cage match to settle the problem. You can't make shit like this up it is priceless.
I think that LA should take on the a team put together by the WWE. They would have a better chance than the Nuggets are going to have.
ok here are todays funnies and I know I am a guy but these were hilarious.
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
________________________________
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
________________________________
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
Pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
And still be afraid of a spider.
________________________________
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
________________________________
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own . So does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
________________________________
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
________________________________
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
________________________________
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
________________________________
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
Should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
You should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
________________________________
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
And were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
At 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
So go out there live a good life, love a good person, fart in the middle of a crowd and play it off of someone else, laughter is the best medicine, and there are no joys in world that compare to friends and loved ones. Surfs up folks let's hit the beach. :)
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
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